A Little Bird Told Me Read online

  ‘Time to go, Neil,’ he says.

  ‘Want a poppadum, Sergeant Cadogan?’ says Kit and lifts his plate up.

  ‘No thanks, kid.’

  ‘Hey, Sergeant Cadogan,’ says Anne, ‘who do you think’s the best police officer; Starsky or Hutch?’

  ‘I don’t know, Anne. It’s just a TV show.’

  Neil sticks his tongue out at Anne and gets up. Sergeant C puts an arm around his shoulders and walks him away back up the garden. Neil waves to us as they step into the kitchen, and then Anne gets up too.

  ‘Think I’m gonna see if I can sneak some wine. Want some?’ she says to Kit. He tells her ‘no thanks’ and then it is just the two of us again.

  ‘Why didn’t Sergeant C let Neil stay longer?’ I say.

  ‘He’s grumpy about the Mace stuff,’ says Kit.

  ‘What do you mean?’ I say.

  ‘Because Mum told him Mace threatened to hurt Mrs Mace when he came to our house, he has to take the whole thing more seriously. Lots of people are mad at him about it.’

  ‘So, he’s cross with Mum?’ I ask. He nods. ‘She probably did it for a good reason, though, Kit, didn’t she?’ He frowns, flicking something off his arm.

  ‘I don’t know,’ he says, ‘a lie is still a lie.’

  Mum has got up with Eva and they are pretending to do some sort of dance with their arms up in the air and their hips swaying. The rest of the group are laughing and clapping. It finally starts to cool down as the sky darkens behind the houses and we both get up to light the candles.

  Mum has decided to come down to the park with us today. She is trying to be casual, but we both know she doesn’t like great open spaces. That means she’s really coming to keep an eye on us. We still haven’t said anything about the pendants because Kit said it would just make her mad. Anyway, he made me promise to run away if I ever saw the Cowboy again.

  ‘An outing, just the three of us,’ Mum said. We each carry our own bags for the day as if we really are going on an expedition. Mum’s is full of books and looks really heavy. We stop at the Co-op in town and buy lots of bread and cheese and ham so that we can make sandwiches when we get hungry using Kit’s penknife. Mum has also brought a big flask of tea already filled with just the amount of sugar and milk that she likes. The air is warm even though the shops have only just opened, and I can’t imagine wanting to drink anything hot.

  Mum wants to see Eva on the way, something for her studies, and we’re supposed to be on our best behaviour. Eva works in the council offices. Normally, Mum would leave us outside but even though she keeps checking the empty corridor and we promise not to run around, she makes us go in with her. Eva looks surprised by that too.

  ‘I’ve told the children that I’m just asking you a few questions to help me with my college work.’ She looks at Kit who is already rifling through his bag for something to do and then at me, ‘Go ahead and read your book, sweetheart.’ She only ever calls me that when she’s trying to be proper. I pull out Flambards and start reading.

  They talk a lot about adoption, which is when people want to keep children that don’t really belong to them. Mum asks loads of questions about what the parents need to do to make sure nobody gets into trouble. I think she must be talking about Danny again. I glance at Kit because I want to ask him if Mrs Mace is dead now, but he doesn’t seem to be listening. He has a bit of cloth and is cleaning all the different bits of his penknife. Before we left he’d dropped some oil down into the end where all the tools swivel out so that he can open it up faster.

  ‘But what if any children were taken away before any of this is done, say to keep them safe? Would that person be in trouble or would it ruin their chances to adopt?’

  ‘Is she dead, Mum?’ I say, and Kit looks up.

  Mum turns round to us, and the folder on her lap slides to the floor, spilling out pages of handwritten notes and clippings.

  ‘Mrs Mace?’ I ask again, ‘Is she dead?’

  ‘No,’ she says, ‘what made you think that?’ Eva rolls her chair round and starts helping Mum to pick up the scattered paper. Mum’s hands are shaky, and Eva gathers the paper and holds it until Mum is able to put it back in her folder.

  ‘Perhaps, we should finish this another time,’ Mum says and stands up.

  As we get to the door, Eva says, ‘The best thing is to write it all down for me.’

  I look at Eva. ‘He doesn’t like cereal, you know.’ I say. ‘Just toast.’

  Mum smiles and puts her arm around me tightly.

  ‘Don’t you worry about Danny,’ she says looking back at Eva, ‘nice people like Eva are looking after him until his mummy can.’ Eva puts on her cheerful smile and we leave.

  As we are walking back through the building, we pass a queue of people waiting outside the DHSS office.

  A man shouts out. ‘That’s her!’ Faces turn towards us, and I recognise the angry eyes of Mr Mace in the crowd. His white T-shirt is stained, and there is a small rip from the buckle of his belt.

  ‘Think you’re clever, do you, having my Danny taken into care?’ He has stepped out of the queue, but it doesn’t close up into his space.

  ‘Hey, I’m talking to you,’ he says and starts coming towards us in long bouncing strides. Right behind him is a man with a picture of a dragon tattooed on his left arm, its body curling around until the fork of the tail points down to his closed fist. A few doors open on the corridor, and heads poke out to see what’s happening.

  Mum signals for us to keep walking towards the exit.

  ‘Just ignore him,’ she whispers, and we put our heads down and carry on, not even looking up at the faces at the doors.

  Mr Mace catches up with Mum and says, ‘What if it was your kids?’ Mum pauses and I look over my shoulder and see that a couple of the other men are standing behind him like wings. ‘You’re gonna regret lying about me!’ Mr Mace shouts and Mum starts walking again. She is nearly running as we turn into the hall at the front of the building and when we burst out into the glare of the sun on to the warm stone steps Mum sits down heavily. She is pale and kind of sick looking.

  ‘I’m sorry,’ she says. Her face stays in her hands for ages until the heat burns through the denim of my shorts.

  Then she jumps up and says, ‘Sod ’em!’ She looks at us and then winks. ‘Sorry, pardon my French. Do you know what we need for our picnic?’ We both shake our heads. ‘Cake!’ And so we wander down to the bakers and buy Rum Babas and Iced Buns, which we call Sticky Fingers, although this time Mrs Winter doesn’t make her usual joke. In fact, she doesn’t look very pleased to see us at all.

  As we’re leaving, we bump into Debbie and Ruth. Ruth has braided her hair and poked some daisies into the folds and she has a slick of shiny blue across each eyelid.

  ‘You look nice, Ruth,’ says Mum. Ruth smiles briefly at the compliment. ‘Hi Debbie, how’s your mum?’

  ‘Hello, Mrs Stanton,’ says Debbie, ‘she’s got one of her me-brains, so we’ve just been to Gramps’. Gramps says it’s funny how Mum always gets me-brains after she’s been out the night before, and it’s a wonder Dad don’t put a stop to it.’

  Ruth slaps Debbie’s arm with the back of her hand and says, ‘Shut up, Debbie. Anyway, they’re migraines.’

  ‘Can Debbie come to the park too?’ I say quickly. ‘Please?’

  ‘Well, if you think that would be alright, Ruth?’ Mum says. ‘We have plenty of picnic.’ I follow the look Ruth throws over her shoulder and see her boyfriend, Duncan, sitting on the arm of the bus stop bench with a couple of other boys. Debbie jumps up and down and tugs at Ruth’s top.

  ‘Okay, okay,’ she says, ‘but you’d better meet me back here when it’s time to go home, or I’ll be in all sorts of trouble.’ She turns to Mum and says ‘Thanks’ before crossing over to the bus stop, tugging her short skirt down firmly at the back where it flicks out as she walks.

  Debbie is lying on her back with one leg in the air, the St Christopher hangs down from her big toe.
Little shafts of light that break through the weeping branches of the willow bounce off it, and the chain twists and shines like a tiny column of water.

  ‘Is it real silver?’ she asks. ‘Maybe if you sold it you could buy your own horse and a velvet hat and everything.’

  ‘Shhh,’ I say and sit up to unhook it. ‘Mum doesn’t know about it.’ We’re silent for a moment and I can hear Kit giving Mum exact instructions on how to tie up the piece of net she is holding. Kit found an old string shopping bag and has cut down the sides to make it as big as possible and they are trying to fix it to the dam. He thinks the net will catch bits of debris that get swept along the stream, but it has been so long since it rained that the flow of water is sluggish. I reckon by the time it’s finished, there’ll be no water to dam at all, and it’ll just look like a big pile of rubbish.

  ‘I hope she doesn’t ask me!’ says Debbie. ‘I can’t lie, honest.’

  ‘How can she if she doesn’t know about it?’ I poke her. ‘Debbie, he says there are horses where he lives! Imagine!’

  ‘But who is he?’

  ‘He didn’t tell me his name, but he must be a friend of my dad’s, mustn’t he?’ I don’t know my real dad’s name either because Mum always turns it into a joke.

  ‘What if he is your actual dad?’ I look at the St Christopher in my hand and think about Kit’s leg shaking and Mum cleaning the oven.

  ‘But then he would just come to the house to see us.’ I try and imagine the Cowboy in our house. ‘And why would Mum be so angry with him?’

  ‘I told my Mum about him and she reckons he’s just some ex-boyfriend messing with her. She says women like your mum have lots of skellingtons in their closets. Bet she’s just too ashamed to tell anyone about him.’ Debbie is still lying on her back, so, when I hit her in the stomach really hard with my sketch pad, she folds up heads to knees like a woodlouse.

  ‘Your mum doesn’t know what she’s talking about.’ I shout. ‘She’s so fat she probably couldn’t even get any boyfriends apart from your dad!’

  ‘Ow,’ she says and grabs the St Christopher from my lap then runs out through the weeping branches into the sunshine. I chase her until finally she turns back towards the stream further along and stands holding the St Christopher over it in one hand, her other hand firmly on her hip.

  ‘Take it back about my Mum,’ she says, ‘she’s not fat! Anyway, she says your mum probably don’t even know who your dad is.’

  ‘Give it back!’ I shout and then I can hear Mum calling to us. ‘Quick, don’t let her see it.’

  ‘See what?’ says Mum behind me as she reaches us. Debbie turns red, but I just manage to snatch the pendant back. I can see Kit still working at the dam, and I know he’s going to be really cross with me if Mum finds the St Christopher, so I turn to Debbie.

  ‘You are the stupidest friend in the whole world. And your mum is fat, fat, fat.’ I blow out my cheeks and hold my arms out in a ball shape. Debbie starts to cry, and Mum goes over and puts her arm around her.

  ‘Robyn, that’s enough! Apologise to Debbie now or we’re going home. And you can tell Kit it’s your fault. Come on, Debbie,’ says Mum putting an arm around her, ‘I’m sure she didn’t mean it.’

  ‘I hate you. I hate you.’ I repeat under my breath, but I’m not really sure who I’m talking to. When I reach the willow tree, Kit has stopped what he’s doing and is watching me as I stomp back over all the dandelions in my path.

  ‘What have you done now?’ he says.

  ‘We just have to go.’ I shrug.

  ‘Can’t I stay?’ says Kit as Mum and Debbie reach us.

  ‘No, I think it’s time to call it a day.’ Debbie has stopped crying and picks up her things without looking at me. ‘Unless Robyn has something to say to Debbie.’

  I look at Debbie’s red eyes.

  ‘Sorry,’ I say.

  Kit looks from me to Mum. ‘She said sorry, so can we stay now?’ he says.

  ‘Please, Mum’ I say too, ‘can we just have the picnic, Debbie was really looking forward to it.’ I look at Debbie, and she nods. I think we might be friends again.

  Kit is teasing Debbie because she says if she gets any hotter she’ll self-concuss, when we see Matthew and Ruth walk into the park together.

  Neither of them smile when they see us, so Mum says, ‘Hey, you two, what’s up?’

  ‘Mace’s been drinking all day and a couple of people have suggested I get you home and out of sight.’

  ‘He’s kicking off about Danny,’ says Ruth looking at Mum. ‘Come on, Debbie, we need to get home. Bill’s a mean drunk and Mum will be looking for us.’

  ‘If you walk back with us, I’ll drive you round in the car,’ says Matthew, but Ruth shakes her head.

  ‘Thanks, Mr Stanton, but Duncan’s gonna walk us back. Reckon it’ll be alright while the pubs are open but after that, well. Dad says this heat’s making everyone a little bit mad anyway.’

  I tell Debbie sorry about calling her mum fat and give her a little hug and then Ruth grabs her hand and they start running back to the gate. I can see Duncan waiting there.

  ‘She’s right,’ says Matthew ‘let’s get home before the pubs shut.’

  As we walk out through the gates, the streets are quiet. It’s almost the hottest part of the day and the heat rises from the pavement around our legs like clammy hands pulling us down. As we pass The Lamb, we stay on the other side of the road. There are a couple of men drinking outside, and Matthew puts his arm around Mum’s shoulders pulling her close. The men don’t pay us any attention.

  We’re not yet out of sight of the pub, when Matthew tells us to run on ahead and pushes Mum towards us.

  ‘Straight to the Cadogans’,’ Mum says as she turns back to Matthew. Kit stops just around the corner and we both look back. Some more men have come out of the pub and are shouting towards Mum and Matthew. Matthew raises both hands in a friendly gesture, shouts something back, and then he turns Mum around and starts walking her quickly towards us. He doesn’t look back even though one of the men is now standing in the middle of the road and the others are walking out behind him.

  As they reach the corner, Mum glances back to see them in the road and pulls Matthew by the hand. Her face clouds when she sees us.

  ‘It’s alright, they’re not going to follow,’ says Kit, ‘they’re still holding their drinks.’

  ‘Clever kid,’ says Matthew and does that funny scrunchy thing in Kit’s hair.

  I had shoved my hands in my pockets to stop them shaking while we waited, and, when I pull them out, the St Christopher comes out too and drops to the pavement.

  ‘What’s that?’ Mum says bending to pick it up. It sits in the palm of her hand, and she pokes it over with her finger to see the figures on the front. No one says anything for a moment, and then Mum looks up at me, and her face is white and furious.

  ‘You’ve seen him again?’ Matthew looks at her and then back at me.

  ‘Not here, Jemima, we need to get home.’

  Mum stands up and holds the pendant, still cupped in her hand, up to Matthew’s face.

  ‘Do you know what this means?’ she says to him and then spins round to Kit. ‘Did he give you one too?’ He looks at me, and his face goes red and crumples up.

  ‘He threw it away,’ I say. ‘He told the man to go away too,’ I try to reach out for Kit’s hand, but he pulls it away and steps back from me. We hear a bell ringing.

  ‘Come on,’ says Matthew, ‘the pub’s closing, we don’t want to be here when it empties.’ He takes Mum and Kit by the hand and starts pulling them, and I have to run to catch up.

  ‘Do you know what these are?’ Mum is saying in a rising voice.

  ‘Let’s just get home, J.’

  ‘We’re not safe there either,’ she says, ‘the kids are not safe anywhere in this town anymore.’ She pulls herself out of Matthew’s grip and reaches to pull me along faster too. ‘He’s coming for them!’

  I shiver when she says
it, but I tell myself that Mum’s always freaking out about something nowadays. That’s exactly why we didn’t tell her about the St. Christophers, I think.

  I glance behind as a group of men gather on the road, and my stomach turns over. The sun is so bright I can barely see but, right at the back of the crowd, I can just make out the silhouette of a cowboy hat.

  Chapter Ten

  1988

  ‘He’s playing with you, Robyn, isn’t he? But I don’t understand why.’ Neil’s uniform jacket is hung over the back of his chair and, even though he’s loosened his tie, I feel exposed in my T-shirt and shorts. ‘He just needs to keep his head down, and he’ll be out on parole soon. So, what’s he up to?’

  I’ve taken the lists off the fridge and am crossing things off: newspaper appeal — comedians only; missing persons reports — none found; court records — nothing; newspaper articles — salacious gossip, Eva — every story but … There is still The Farm and Ask Him.

  Neil won’t consider going to The Farm until he’s dissected every possible nuance in the letter and, if I don’t want Kit to know, I’ve got to play along.

  He did read the police files though, and he even asked his dad about it.

  ‘It really came down to your mum’s word against his. Once she wasn’t there to testify, there wasn’t much to go on.’ Neil decides not to elaborate on this. He means no one believed her. ‘Anyway, he wanted me to tell you to be careful.’

  I have an ordnance survey map laid out on the table. I’ve marked in pencil the boundary of Valley Farm — up to the closely contoured rise of the land above the road and the straight path of the river running through the valley below. It’s the only obvious place left to go without using the visiting order.

  ‘Robyn, I really don’t like Kit not knowing about this.’

  I sigh and rest my forehead on the table. He’s relentless. Neil fills up the emptiness in the house in a way that’s almost overwhelming.